Welcome back – part 2 of practical application of an Female Led Relationship
So, having agreed my wife is the boss and I will obey her without question and having deliberately enabled all this free time, I needed things to fill my time and focus my attention.
In our traditional role based relationship, my wife took on the role of housewife. The trouble is, I became lazy and apart from the garden, I kinda left this up to her. And then griped when it wasn’t good enough. And then felt terrible about it. And yet failed to change.
Yes, I commute/work/commute 13 hours a day, but I felt like I was letting her down at home.
So I’ve taken on most of the domestic tasks. Not exclusively; my wife is free to do these as she wants – its not a story of a doormat doing domestic service and a pampered princess, it’s clear roles and responsibilities, better use of free time and all pulling together. If she still chooses to help out, then that’s fine. Plus, based on her rules, her way and I obey, I have no right to admonish her (as I found out the hard way at the weekend when I attempted to tell her off for putting on a load of washing – that got me told in no uncertain terms to pull my head in, and rightly so)
I made a list of tasks to achieve daily and at weekends. The list was deliberately ambitious and designed to keep me flat out busy and take as much load off my wife as possible. She still does the shopping and cooking and that’s fine with her. But I’m taking care of the housework and making sure everything is clean, washed, tidy and put away and taken care of.
Its a tough job, the standards we agreed on are high and I asked her, based on her being in charge in the family, for her to hold me to account for it. It means not slacking off at all to get it all done. They cease to become chores, rather jobs my wife requires done in order that she is free to manage our family and the other things in her life. This is a much easier way for me to look at the world.
I’m a master procrastinator. So there are a load of jobs that haven’t been done around the house, things that haven’t been fixed even when my wife has become dissatisfied and openly frustrated.
I suggested that we should formalise how those get done. My wife is to dictate what needs sorting and whether it has to be done right there and then, or if it can wait for an agreed time. I also suggested, as above, that she hold me to account for it. For me not to obey her instruction is not procrastination, it becomes disrespect and something significantly bigger that goes against the founding principle of my honouring, respecting and obeying her and that’s a massive no no..
The change in approach, meaning and focus of why I am doing things has the impact of changing my entire motivation and perspective. Its quite startling. Jobs arent a chore, they are things to be accomplished to please my wife because she needs them done, has told me to do them and she is my focus