Like with children and puppies, you cant just be nice about infractions.
If you break the rules, it needs to have meaningful consequences. Some of the blogs talk about spanking , corner time and removal of privileges and other things, but my wife was clear – she wasn’t going to be the parent or teacher in our marriage. Shes the leader and and we are mature adults and I am not a child.
Fair enough – like I said before – the roles you work out together have to work. No point in pushing the point if your wife isn’t up for it, then you’re not approaching this with the right attitude at all!
I make a confession here – I am naturally submissive in my nature and would be totally receptive and respond well psychologically to proper punishments, but my wife apart from wanting to be top dog, is not dominant and does not seek control of everything and no amount of FLR is going to change that in her. I would love to have a serious consequence to messing up – when I say love, I wouldn’t enjoy it, but it would push my psychological and motivation buttons like nothing else. Maybe she’ll change as we go..
I’ll stop there, because ultimately that’s not her way and if I were to impose what I want on her, it’s not respecting her decision.
Her way is to be ok not to yield one bit about the access to computers time and money. Her way is to be cross and tell me to pull my head in. To pick me up on my BS and be uncompromising about it. We may still have to come back to negative consequences if things dont go well, but the fact is – I am doing this for her and for us. I’ve poured my heart out to her about this and empowered her and to see her pissed off because of something I have failed to do is actually a very powerful thing. Its the last thing I want and undoes everything I set out to achieve.
The only thing that remains is that I MUST stop, rectify and apologise immediately. I fully expect her to lose her shit at me if I don’t and rightly so.