So all this so far as been about addressing shortcomings and things that I need to do better, focusing everything onto my wife, her comfort and well being and giving her control and room to lead and be the boss across all the areas of our life.
All of those things are all in the first part of this journey, starting with the recognition of my wife as the boss and respecting her decisions.
This part is about adding specific targets and a plan to achieve them.
I’ve already mentioned that I have tendency to be lazy, which is where this whole thing started. So to that end, I have added a number of goals to my commitments to my beautiful wife.
Well, not goals exactly – I’ll explain.
The goals are
- Get fit
- Lose 20kg
- Spend time together
- Save money
You can’t really have those as tasks or chores or things to be chewed out about if they don’t happen; they are too big, too easy to fail, not measurable and possibly even unhealthy when it comes to weight.
Goals need to have (as per picture ^^) a plan, action (and a coach) and the ability to stick to it
My plan is limiting my access to distractions, taking away control of my finances and empowering my wife to blossom and flourish as a coach and leader.
So what I proposed was make the steps to the goals the thing and then its something to track and manage.
- take a 5km walk every day come rain or shine and have my wife/coach get on my case if I don’t self motivate. If I’m sick or there’s lightning storm out I’m hoping I’ll get a pass!
- eat healthy. I asked my wife to stop buying me any unhealthy food. This resonated with her on its own and we’re all on a health kick now. But for me, with no access to money, only healthy salad lunches that I made the night before and a proper portion controlled dinner – I’m stuck. I will lose weight when combined with exercise, I wont have a say in it. Whatever she says, goes
- journal together in the evenings – plan the time. so far, I dont have enough with the responsibilities I’ve taken on, but we’ll get there.
- watch TV together at the weekend – check
- save money. I’ve got no access to it to spend it. My wife can no budget and plan to save effectively without me blundering in and going ‘look, I bought a new motorbike without asking’
These things are actionable, my wife can get on my case with each day I dont live up to my expectations just like with chores. If I’m grumbling about my 5km walk – too bad, you agreed and committed, dont disrespect me by bellyaching.
We haven’t hit winter yet, so its been nice weather, but I want her to know that she needs to be brutally uncompromising on exercise even its its pouring with rain. To the extent of locking me out of the house until its done. I need my wife to be my personal trainer/conscience! so I get wet. Boo hoo.
The saving thing is brutal, I’m totally 100% dependent on my wife for money. Theres little point thinking about materialistic things – the answer is, almost invariably, going to be NO!
So that’s basically it for the goals for now – simple, manageable, shared, effective.